1253_03032018

Now he's attacking me about the phone calls from the alarm company
How I should not tolerate them
How I should make 70k a year in 3018
How I'm a failure cause I don't

0545_03012018

I am lying on bed
I have to pee
I've been struggling trying to avoid getting up.
Not going to sleep until I relieve the pressure.
I'm pissing minding my own business
Her voice is raised.
His voice is slurred
They're arguing about something they will never agree on because HE demands it.
I try to get him to stop
I get him to come out by inviting him to bed
He's rude about what he plans to do to my asshole.
When the sheets are turned down
A pair of scissors is under them
I say "great I lost those, hand them to me"
First he drops them
Then he won't let go once I've got ahold of them
I'm tired of his games and I pull them out of his hands.
somehow he is cut, he's bleeding
He's angry
He's wounded
He's coming at me to show me the wound
To remind me how he's never drawn blood
He broke my ear drum
But it wasn't really broken because I never went to the Dr to have it diagnosed
I didn't go because I don't want anyone to know what I live with how scared and ashamed I am of my life.

0126_02092018

It starts with him turning the volume down on my TV
And I'm grateful
And then he starts waving my. Cross stich
EAT MORE KALE
In
My
Face
An the ln he quips
When was the last time you ate kale?
and i told him

0215_2246

He wants to talk
He's drunk and slurring his words
And he is making sure I know how fat I am
And he's punctuated one out burst with a closed fist to my upper left arm
And when the bruise appears he will have no recollection of it.
He will insinuate I have a lover
He will insinuate I am playing at BDSM
My BDSM lovers never hit me with closed fists or in anger
They never ever struck me in rage
He does and he thinks nothing of it.
He'll wake up and maybe he'll remember
Doesn't matter. I don't care.
I'm sad because I feel powerless to leave.
He will not leave

11302017_0128

Wow

1037_01282018 drunk agsin

Wow.

0317_02052018

It's not unfortunate, you're drunk.
You were up late at night yelling.
I can still hear you deriding me to Norman.
Don't think I can't.
I heard you hit him. 
I just heard you emasculate him
Now he's crying and saying he's a failure.  Good parenting. 
Way to go.

Breakfast and dinner
Ha, what are those
Last two weeks I've had nothing
Salt lick chicken
An after thought meal from downstairs

You made sure to grind it home
About how I don't provide.
About how the house is gross and dirty
About how I'm trailer trash. 
You make sure I know
I'm not your intellectual equal
That physically I'm not capable of defending myself.
That i am nothing

070720_0040_Kitty Moon Open Mic

My cell phone rings
and I look down and realize
It is really late for me
to be out having drinks,
and the oddness of
accepting drinks from strangers and
then there's Rich there
with his friend Ross and he's like
Every Thursday night we meet at Kitty Moon for open mic
and Rich buys me two drinks and
chats me up a bit and the guy at the bar.